No More Uranus Jokes
by MelissaeWrites
Summary: Jamie has an awful lot of books about aliens, and Jack has an awful lot of free time. (Jackrabbit, Jack/Aster)


A/N: The version of this on AO3 has an epilogue that is... less in accordance with 's guidelines. It also includes a picture of the egg. But c'est la vie.

* * *

It all started with an Easter egg.

Aster wasn't particularly surprised to find an egg in his warren, all things considered, and it wasn't even that unusual to find one that he didn't recognize. Ever since he and Jack had become close, he'd usually find a couple of Easter eggs each year that had Jack's-_individual _flair. Still, this one didn't seem to be Jack's usual style. It was remarkably simple; there was no glitter, no pom-poms, and only two colors had been used. Just a green egg with a little face on it. As far as Jack's eggs went, it was downright tasteful, even if something nagged at him in the back of his mind when he looked at it. He squinted at it, trying to figure out the catch.

Sure enough, the minute he knelt down to pick it up, he heard a quiet snicker from behind him. He sighed, turning the little egg around in his paws. "Come on out, then, Jack," he called.

When Jack appeared in front of him not two minutes later, Aster instantly recognized the grin on his face. That was the "I have done something completely obnoxious and you will be most displeased when you see what it is" grin. He regarded the egg with a bit more suspicion. That was an awfully large grin for such a small egg. He held it up, and summoned up all the sternness he possibly could under the circumstances. "Care to explain this, Jacko?" he asked.

"Wellll," Jack started, spinning his crook, and Aster winced internally. Playing with the staff never boded well. "So I was talking to Jamie yesterday, and apparently they're doing a unit on Australia in school."

"Go on," Aster said, getting his disapproving eyebrow ready. He still remembered the day that Jack had found a book on Australian slang. They no longer spoke of that day.

"Did you know," Jack said, leaning forward conspiratorially, "That bunnies are an invasive species in Australia?"

Yep, there went the eyebrow. "I do, as it turns out." Did he ever. And all he could do was hope that Jack never heard about the Easter Bilby incident.

"And _speaking_ of aliens..." Jack said. He waggled his eyebrows meaningfully at Aster, and Aster didn't even bother stifling his sigh. They'd long ago put a moratorium on Uranus jokes, but Jack was anything but unimaginative.

"Cut to the chase, Jack," Aster said, holding up the egg. "What is this?"

Jack blinked at him, and then if anything, his grin grew wider. "You don't know what that is?" he asked, and for just a moment looked as if Christmas had come early.

Heart sinking, Aster shook his head.

"It's a _Roswell _alien," he said, like that was in any way less confusing.

"A what now?" Aster asked.

Jack reached out and took the egg from him, twirling it around in his free hand. "So some people believe that aliens have visited Earth," he said, giving Aster a knowing look.

Sure enough, Aster found himself getting miffed. "Well, they have." And some stayed, for that matter.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, yeah, but I don't mean like you. Like little green men," he said.

Aster looked at the egg. It was indeed little and green, though "man" was up for debate.

Jack followed his gaze. "Yep! Just like these. People say they crashed out in the middle of New Mexico in this town called Roswell. People also say that they liked to kidnap humans every so often."

Aster watched Jack's expression, and knew that this was leading nowhere good. North may have felt these things in his belly, but Aster could feel them right on his forehead-mainly by way of extreme headache.

Jack grinned, and it was like a particularly annoying cat had gotten the cream. "Do you know why?" he asked.

"No," Aster said shortly. "I can't imagine what any intelligent race would want with you lot."

"Well," Jack said, drawing out the word in a way that made Aster feel very uneasy, "They'd take them up into their ship and-well, _you know_."

No, Aster did not know. Aster did not want to know. Aster wanted his mate to stop smiling at him with too many teeth and maybe even go away and leave him to his work.

He'd hoped to convey this with his expression, but Jack just crowed with laughter. "They would do experiments," he said, sly. And then he let his crook hang in the air so he could make a gesture with his hands that was just vague enough to be _completely _filthy.

"Jack!" Aster said, scandalized. Maybe a bit too much so, considering the "experiments" that he and Jack had managed to get up to previously. But truly, it was the principle of the matter. "Where did you even hear about a thing like that?"

Jack shrugged. "Jamie has a lot of books about aliens and bigfeet and stuff, and I have a lot of free time in the off season," he explained.

Aster was pretty sure he felt his eyebrows clear his scalp. "Jamie? Our Jamie has books about-"

"Probing," Jack filled in helpfully.

"Pr-bloody hell, Jack." Aster opened his mouth, closed it again, and then shook his head. "Only humans would think that another race would traverse the entire universe just to have a good root."

"You mean you didn't?" Jack asked, all wide-eyed innocence.

Aster just leveled a glare his way that spoke multitudes. Any other spirit would have quailed in the face of that, but Jack had never been cowed by anything Aster did, and he definitely wasn't about to start now. Aster prepared himself for what was coming, knew in his bones what was about to come out of his mate's mouth.

"So... that's a no on the probing, then?"

Aster took the egg from Jack's hand and threw it right at his big mouth.

And if, much later, after the Great Egg War and during the ensuing bath, there was just a bit of probing, well. He was an invasive species, after all.


End file.
